Sweet Roast
Warm, with teeth. The friend who hypes you up and calls you out in the same breath. Safe to play in front of their mother. Probably.
Start here if you are not sure
Happy Birthday Roast
Eight birthday songs for people who deserve worse. Find the one that sounds like your friend and send it.
The roast they didn't ask for. On iTunes now.
How it works
No app. No subscription. No sentimental filler nobody remembers. Eight songs, one of them aimed squarely at somebody you know.
Eight songs, eight kinds of friend. The one who never shuts up. The one who is five foot four and sensitive about it. You already know which one is them.
Tap any card and iTunes plays you a preview before you spend a cent. No guessing, no surprises, no "wait, that's not what I thought it was."
Buy it and the file is yours to keep and send. Or just send the link and let them press play themselves. Drop it in the group chat. Let it work.
Pick your heat
The eight songs are not all aimed the same way. Some tease. Some do not hold back at all.
Warm, with teeth. The friend who hypes you up and calls you out in the same breath. Safe to play in front of their mother. Probably.
Start here if you are not sure
The truth, with a melody. Every detail they were hoping you had forgotten, set to a beat. There is love in it. It is buried, but it is in there.
For people who can take it
Maximum chaos. The titles alone tell you what you are getting. No apologies, no mercy, no half measures.
18+ · close friends only · preview first
Want their actual name in it?
Same idea, except it is your friend's name in the chorus and your details in the verses. We build these by hand, one at a time. There is no checkout button yet — you write to us, we write back.
The button opens your email app with the questions already typed in.
The details are the whole thing. "Judges everyone's parking but cannot parallel park" beats "he is funny" every time. Keep each one to a phrase.
Skip anything genuinely private — medical, money, other people's business. The funny ones are always the harmless ones.
Only for someone you actually know and who would laugh. We will not write a song meant to humiliate anyone, and we will say so if it reads that way.
Where to get them
Want one with your friend's actual name in it?
Custom songs are coming. These are the warm-up.
Before you buy
The small print
Last updated 23 September 2026
The eight songs on this site are sold and delivered by Apple through the iTunes Store, not by us. We never see your payment details and we cannot process a refund for a purchase we did not take. Refund requests for anything bought through the iTunes Store or Apple Music go to Apple directly, under Apple's own terms, at reportaproblem.apple.com.
Every song can be previewed in full before you buy it. These are short songs, roughly 25 seconds to just over a minute, and the running time is stated on this page so you know what you are getting.
We do not take payment on this website. Custom songs start as an email conversation, and any price and terms are agreed with you in writing before you pay anything.
Last updated 23 September 2026
This site is operated by Happy Birthday Roast. By using it you agree to these terms. If you do not agree, please do not use the site.
The eight songs linked here are ℗ 2026 All Rhymes Entertainment and are sold through the iTunes Store. What you may do with a song you buy is governed by Apple's terms, not ours. In plain terms: play it, send it to a friend, keep it. Do not resell it, put it in something you sell, upload it as your own, or use it in advertising.
The songs are comedy. They are written to be sent between friends and are not statements of fact about anyone.
When you email us a request, you confirm that:
We will not write a song that harasses, threatens, or is meant to humiliate someone. We will not target anyone for their race, religion, nationality, gender, sexuality, disability, or any other protected characteristic. We will not write sexual content about a named person, and we will not write about real public figures or celebrities. We may refuse or cancel any request, for any reason, and we do not have to explain why.
Our songs are produced with AI assistance. You should assume that is true of anything you hear here.
This site and its content are provided as is, without warranties of any kind. To the fullest extent the law allows, our total liability to you for anything connected with this site is limited to the amount you have paid us directly, which for purchases made through Apple is nothing.
These terms are governed by the laws of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. We may update them, and the date at the top of this section tells you when we last did.
Last updated 23 September 2026
Nothing. This is a single static page. There are no accounts, no sign-up forms, no cookies set by us, no analytics, no advertising trackers, and no payments taken here. If you only read this page and click through to Apple, we never learn you visited.
Our hosting provider keeps standard server logs, including IP addresses, as part of delivering the page and protecting it from abuse. We do not use those logs to build a profile of you.
When you send a custom song request, we receive your email address, your message, and whatever you choose to put in it. We use it to reply to you and to write the song. That is all. We do not sell it, rent it, or share it with anyone outside the people making your song, and we will not add you to a mailing list without asking you first.
A custom song request contains information about someone who is not you and who has not agreed to anything. Please only send details that person would be comfortable with, keep each one short, and leave out anything genuinely sensitive — health, finances, relationships, immigration status, or anything told to you in confidence. If the person the song is about wants their details removed, they or you can email us and we will delete them.
We delete request emails and any details in them within 30 days of delivering the song or declining the request, unless we need to keep something longer to sort out a payment dispute.
You can ask us what we hold about you, ask us to correct it, or ask us to delete it, by writing to us through the contact section below. We will do it.
This site is not intended for children under 13, and we do not knowingly collect information from them. Some of the songs are explicit and are meant for adults.
Once you click through to iTunes, you are on Apple's site, under Apple's privacy policy. We receive no information about what you do there beyond aggregate sales figures from the distributor.
We read everything that comes in
Custom song requests, questions, problems with a song, takedown requests, or anything else — use the button below and it will open your email app for you.
We usually reply within a couple of days. If it is about something you bought on iTunes, Apple will be faster than we can be: reportaproblem.apple.com.
